Hitchens on Romney

Christopher Hitchens is wrong about the God of the Bible. But when it comes to the god of Mitt Romney and Mormonism, Mr. Hitchens is right on. And he's not afraid to say it. (Not even on the Hugh Hewitt show. Is Hitch on Hewitt anymore?)

He recently wrote

Mitt Romney appears to think that, in respect of the bizarre beliefs of his church, he has come up with a twofer response. Not only can he decline to answer questions about these beliefs, he can also reap additional benefit from complaining that people keep asking him about them. In a video response of revolting sanctimony and self-pity last week, he responded to some allegedly anti-Mormon "push poll" calls in Iowa and New Hampshire by saying that it was "un-American" to bring up his "faith..."

"Anti-Mormon" is the Mormon word for "true."

Mr. Hitchens is on to something here. He goes on to say,

Additional interest is lent to this evasive tactic by the very well-argued case, made by Mark Hemingway in National Review Online, that it was actually the Romney campaign that had initiated the anti-Mormon push-poll calls in the first place!

Sounds at first like a typical tin foil hat conspiracy theory. Unless you know something about Mormons and Mormonism that is. Then you have to wonder who's wearing the tinfoil hat.

LIVE! From Salt Lake City! It's...

Well, who knows Mormons better than the non-Mormons who report on them and live among them in Salt Lake City? And so it was, after reading Hitch's article, I remembered the following prediction from the Salt Lake Weekly, make more than a year ago.

The Salt Lake Weekly is one of those smallish, independent newspapers that has nothing to lose. So it tends to be feisty and isn't afraid to take on the Mormon church. Here's a funny parody story they published July 2006—more than a year ago—which, since it's coming true now, way before there was any hint of this happening, proves these people know what they're talking about when it comes to Mormons.

Here's the memo.

MEMO TO: The First Presidency

FROM: The Church Sub-Committee to Perpetuate Paranoia and the Pleasures of Persecution.

RE: Presidential Ambition of Brother Willard 'Mitt' Romney.

The presidential bid of Brother Willard 'Mitt' Romney, now governor of Massachusetts and formerly savior of the 2002 Winter Olympics, has created a considerable amount of excitement and fervor among church members, and is universally perceived as a huge plus for Church Formerly Known as Mormon (F.K.A.M.).

Brother Mitt's candidacy is seen as a sign that the church has at long last achieved respect. More importantly, his inevitable ascension to the most powerful office in this world is regarded as fulfillment of prophecy, proof that we are indeed the True and Everlasting Gospel.

Quite understandably, therefore, our loyal and devoted members reacted with howls of protest, gnashing of teeth and rending of garments at the news last week that a sizeable proportion of the electorate—nearly 40 percent—told pollsters they would not vote a Mormon into the White House. The outrage was predictably captured by Brother Doug Wright of KSL, propaganda radio for the F.K.A.M. church. Haven't we got beyond not voting for people on the basis of their religious affiliation? Brother Wright asked, his voice trembling with righteous indignation. Why, he continued, is all this negative “Mar-man” stuff still alive and kicking?

While we share the sense of outrage expressed by Brother Wright and other sweet spirits, we at the Church Sub-Committee to Perpetuate Paranoia and the Pleasures of Persecution (P.P.A.P.O.P.) believe Brothers Mitt's election may not be such a big plus for the F.K.A.M. church. In fact, we are of the opinion that Brother Mitt's failure to secure the Republican nomination may actually prove in the long run to be a net plus for the church.

Let's look first of all at the pros and cons of Brother Mitt's running for president, regardless of whether or not he is elected:

Pro: 1. Gentiles are exposed to a good-looking fella with a nice head of hair who seems to be smiling all the time. 2. Initial influx of female converts who think Brother Mitt is a dreamy hunk. 3. Initial influx of male converts who think Brother Mitt is a dreamy hunk. (Fox News' Sean Hannity is first in line). 4. Initial influx of male converts who succumb to the well-documented “I want to be like Mitt” syndrome, the most notable example being Mayor Sparky Anderson, who waxed his chest after Mitt exposed his own hairless pectorals for a TV ad when he ran for governor of Massachusetts.

Con: 1. Brother Mitt interrogated by Meet the Press's Tim Russert and everyone else about polygamy, temple anointings, sacred undergarments and secret handshakes. Brother Mitt is hooted from the campaign trail, and worse, the F.K.A.M. church is no longer seen by the world as a quirky but semi-innocuous quasi-Christian cult, but as a bizarre mélange of Gnostic heresy, neo-Hermetic perfectionism and crypto-Masonic ritual.

The one con, we believe, outweighs the many pros. What, then, do we recommend as a course of action, both for the reputation of the church and for the good name of Brother Mitt?

The Myth of Persecution has served the church well lo these last 176 years. [DING, DING, DING!!!] It is the considered opinion of the P.P.A.P.O.P Sub-Committee that we immediately capitalize on the recent negative poll regarding Mormon presidential candidates. We should get the boys in the Ministry of Truth to persuade Brother Mitt to call a press conference and renounce his presidential ambitions. Brother Mitt should righteously proclaim that he will not be a party to the continued persecution of his faith (following proven rhetorical principles, he should repeat the word 'persecution' at least nine times).

If possible, we should arrange to have Brother Mitt tarred and feathered by a Mormon-bashing mob of liberal Democrats, recalling the great persecution story told to every Sunday school class of Joseph Smith being tarred and feathered by an angry mob of anti-Mormons back in 1832.

We believe far greater good will accrue to the church by pursuing the persecution scenario. Those who refuse to vote for a Mormon may well have rational grounds for doing so, among them the fact that the Mormon church has taken reactionary positions on a number of social issues, equal rights for women and gay marriage among them. Nevertheless, we should strike while the iron is hot and use the time-tested persecution ploy for all it's worth. Paranoia pays.

Wow, do they know Mormons or what?

It's what they didn't say

Now, many people (or at least Hugh Hewitt) were making fun last week of anyone who held this theory, that Mitt Romney and/or his campaign were responsible for the push poll. But let's consider what was said. I can't find a complete list of the questions, but from what was reported, there was nothing new:

According to the AP story,

• [Did you know] Romney was a Mormon
  
  How could anyone NOT know at this point that Mitt Romney is not Mormon? He's been on all the magazine covers.


• That he received military deferments when he served as a Mormon missionary in France
  
  Old news. I posted about this in August. (Contrary to what Hugh Hewitt says, Mitt Romeny DID avoid the draft. In fact, one can make the argument that when it came down to choosing between church and state, Mitt Romney chose his church.


• that Romney's faith did not accept blacks as bishops into the 1970s
  
  In fact, it's still a White man's religion.


• Would you have a more favorable, less favorable impression of Mitt Romney if you knew that his five sons had never served in the military and that he considered working on a presidential campaign as public service...
  
  Again, already covered. Mormonism teaches that Mitt's sons WILL server him... when Mitt becomes a god someday and families will be forever. (But don't his sons get their own planet? Mormonism is so confusing.)

One more according to the Free Republic:

• Are you aware that Mormons consider the Book of Mormon superior to the Bible?

This last question is hardly upsetting to Mormons. Like asking Muslims about the Q'ran vs. the Bible, to them, it's a given. Why would you need the Book of Mormon if the Bible was okay? Listen to what Justin Hart, a Mormon, says about it on the Hugh Hewitt show. To him, this denigration of the Bible is trivial. It's "beside the point."

Who dunnit?

Now, if it was a bunch of Christians running the push poll (where would Christians get the money for this?) you can bet there would have been harder hitting "questions" about Mormon underwear, the Mormon temple ceremony (where Mormons swear an oath of allegiance to their church) and all that stuff that Mormons consider "sacred." (But are really secret.) There would have been questions about the Mormon man-god, the Mormon jesus, the ritual of baptizing for the dead and the inevitable questions about salvation, to try to save Mormons.

Even if it was the Democrats, they would go for the throat too, sans any deep theological questions.

No, the questions were too inane. Too droll. No secrets were revealed, no new dirt about Mitt Romney or the Mormon church. Actually, if there were no questions about polygamy, that would be MORE evidence that it was Mitt Romney and/or his campaign that pushed the poll because Mormons HATE talking about polygamy.

Curses! Foiled again!

So is it really so bizarre that Mitt Romney pushed himself in his poll? No, not really. Not when you know Mormons. As Christopher Hitchens has pointed out, the Mormon church has bizarre beliefs. One is that they're constantly being persecuted. They like to wallow in their "persecution." They always say that proves they're true.


Besides, the Salt Lake Weekly called this right. They prophesied this would happen more than a year ago! So, when it comes to Mormonism, they are among the true prophets who can tell you what's to come with a Mormon in the White House.

But go ahead and vote for Mormon Mitt Romney. See what other kind of media manipulation he tries as President.

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Check this out:

http://romneyforpresident.townhall.com/

Like Mormonism, the blog isn't what it seems.

(Funny photos too.)